Great Song "Sinnerman" by Nina Simone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shm1Kd8bHIc&feature=related

5 of my ethnic folk art paintings have sold and more

"Flying Kites" 16x20 Sold $1,500
"Tending Sheep" 12x16 SOLD $700

"The"The Field" (version 2) 22x27 SOLD $950

"Milking" 14x18 SOLD $800

"Off To Town" 11x14 SOLD $350

"Fox Hunt" 24x36 (Payment for my art rep)

"The Field" (Version 1) 18x24 (in exchange for $1800 ads)

These are the paintings I did last July for a gallery show (two woman show). Since then, they have been moved around to different galleries.

OMFG! The gallery owner just called to let me know 3 more have been sold to to a single buyer. Also another buyer wanted one of those paintings but was too late. Hopefully, she will choose another.

I'm not rolling in dough yet, but out of this I have made a good bit and gotten one great newspaper article about me.

I don't sell my paintings on etsy because people are wary of buying higher priced paintings on the internet. All of my paintings are sold in the New Hope, PA area where I am originally from. My dad and stepmom (remember? I have 4 parents) live and can keep an eye on things.

I made a jewelry catalogue

It's 23 pages and will arrive in a few days. It will have a soft cover and archival glossy pages. I made it because an old school friend of mine has generously offered to sell some of my pieces where she lives in Bocan Ratan, FL.

You can view my catalogue online here (I did make a few mistakes but it's too late to fix...) http://preview.picaboo.com/Webview/CoverPage.aspx?user=0000000000071CD47A&album=0000000000072A56BC

I am also going to include several pieces. I bought some new foil boxes and organza bags, I'll tuck into the package. I hope to sell a lot so that I can then turn my etsy shop into an art store with my articulated paper puppets, papier mache figures and my handsewn omiyage bags made of anitique kimono fabric.

Wow! So down today

And just can't shake it. I'll try to make some bracelets. Art usually makes me feel better.

Listening to Jackson Browne makes me feel better because I always end up crying and that helps. I saw him in concert twice when I was younger:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXTDIr3egbE&feature=related "Late For The Sky"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHoWsrECE6w&feature=channel "Sky Blue and Black"


I never had depression in my life until 3 years ago when a bunch of major things happened to me all at once--my long time boyfriend of over 9 years broke up with me, my son moved to his dad's because he missed the city so much (San Francisco), I had major surgery (pancreatic tumor size of a grapefruit removed along with spleen and part of pancreas), and the surgeon did a hack job and left me with a premanent condition because of a damaged nerve he inadvertantly hit that bothers me every day (my stomach), one of my cat ran away while I was in the hospital and died two months later, lost my home, my stuff ended up in storage, and a few other things.

Sky Blue and Black:

In the calling out to one another
Of the lovers up and down the strand
In the sound of the waves and the cries
Of the seagulls circling the sandIn the fragments of the songs
Carried down the wind from some radio
In the murmuring of the city in the distance
Ominous and low

I hear the sound of the world where we played
And the far too simple beauty
Of the promises we made

If you ever need holding
Call my name, I'll be there
If you ever need holdingAnd no holding back,
I'll see you through
Sky blue and black

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There's a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins

Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When I'd let go of your hand
Yeah, and I was much younger then
And I must have thought that I would know
If things were going to end

And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And it'll never fold back
Sky blue and black

And I'd have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If I'd known that's what you needed
What you needed me to do

But the moment has passed by me now
To have put away my pride
And just come through for you somehow

If you ever need holding
Call my name, I'll be thereIf you ever need holding
And no holding back, I'll see you through

You're the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
You're the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
You're the hidden cost and the thing that's lost
In everything I do

Yeah and I'll never stop looking for you
In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
That's the way love is
That's the way love is
That's the way love is
Sky blue and black

(c) 1993 SWALLOW TURN MUSIC, ASCAP
Category: Music

Old connections still hurt...

Today, my ex-boyfriend came for a visit and we took Sammie, our dog to fetch some balls. We hang out once in a while, send each other funny or interesting emails, and talk on the phone too. But it's always been a double edged sword.

This is the guy I was involved with after my divorce, a relationship that lasted nearly a decade, almost like a "second" marriage.

When we broke up, it felt like a divorce, since we had been together so long. For a while there was a little musical chairs--getting back together, breaking up, getting back together again...

Finally, about a year and a 1/2 ago, it was done. And the past 3 years had been a very hard time for me. He was one of the biggest loves of my life (another was a guy in college) and it slammed me hard in ways of depression (which I never had before) and utter sadness. A lot was going on for me at the time, which probably added to my desolation.

But I was able to pull thru' all of that and remain standing, and have a "best friend" relationship with him. I finally reached that wonderful place of no longer feeling in love with him or having any desire to get back together, as it had became toxic.

But he came over today, and in between tosses of the ball for our dog, he told me he had been seeing someone for the last couple of months and it was getting serious.

I went home and cried. For some reason, it made me feel very hurt. He had finally bought a house that was supposed to be "our house". He asked if I'd like to visit sometime to see the place. "Nope", I said. To him it was just a house but to me, it was an empty promise from the past.

Part of me is happy for him that he has found someone he connects with, as I do love him and care about him, but not in a romantic way. But I've decided I'm going to tell him I no longer wish to be friends and want to bow out of each other's lives. It would hurt too much for me.

Even though enough time has passed to heal my heart, it can still ache from old memories and the feeling that I have been "replaced".